Beyond the Void

Mary SanGiovanni Newsletter, Issue 5 October 2023

Hi there! I’m horror author Mary SanGiovanni, and this is the fifth issue of my author newsletter. Thanks for reading!

There are a couple of reasons I don’t usually listen to music while writing. For one, I’ve always self-soothed by singing to myself, so music, especially music with words, distracts me. I can listen before and after, can listen while doing dishes or housework or driving or showering — and I do, as music has always been a big part of my life — but while I’m writing, I need either words I can ignore, like something bland on TV, or no words at all, except my own.

The other reason I don’t often listen to music while working is that, much like with martial arts or magick, I find I need my mind clear. After all, emotion in writing is inevitable; it comes through in the best of one’s work, as it should, while you’re tapping into the characters and the story, and those emotions, however subtle or intense, filter through us as we write. If I have music on, it influences my moods — sometimes strongly. It brings up memories — sometimes strong ones.

Like today.

I think sometimes media portrayal of women’s experiences are rather thin. We’re often shown in supporting roles, in the background, as the foil or the impetus for men to find their best, truest selves, their motivation. We’re shown with simple needs and simple thoughts, as an obstacle to work-life balance, or, on occasion, encouragement. We’re not really shown with needs of our own unless they conflict with the man finding himself or pusuing the inevitable purpose for which he exists, nor are we illustrated with the depth and breadth of experiences that drive any kind of need or dream or want or calling of our own.

Of course, we think about our children and our significant others. And of course we consider how we physically present ourselves to the world. But women are so much more than the way they look and what caregiving role they serve for another person. We have hero journeys, too. Sometimes we have our own dark pasts. Sometimes we remember violence done to us and violence done to people we love. Sometimes — maybe often — we reflect on violence done to strangers, particularly children and fellow sisters, and wish we could do more to protect them — to rescue them in all the big and little ways that people need rescuing. Sometimes we think about all the complex experiences that make us who we are…and then grind them down so the sharpest edges don’t appear offensive or unladylike or too intense for the people around us.

Sometimes we worry about what’s for dinner, but sometimes we worry about wars we can’t stop, civil unrest, the safety (or the lack thereof) every time we or our loved ones walk out the door.

Sometimes we wait with anixety and patience for our men to go and do the things they have to do, but it’s not idle waiting. During that time, we go and do what WE have to do, go and be who we have to be. Sometimes, we’re the ones that have to ride off into the sunset and leave others behind, and we feel it so much more because we’ve been given the keys since childhood to open all those doors of emotion as well as intellect, of instinct and intuition as well as logic.

Sometimes we remember the joys of weddings and births and first words and best words. Sometimes we remember schedules and names and dates so others don’t have to. But sometimes we remember the past. We can be troubled and brooding, too. I have met death so many times across the chasm, watching it take people I love, people I care about, and people that those people care about. I’ve lost people to long sickness and sudden aneurisms, heart attacks, strokes, plane explosions, buildings collapsing, old age, murder, suicide, drug overdoses, and accidents. I’ve seen what addiction and despair do to a person, what guilt does, and what loneliness does, and to me, they are the great ills of the world, followed by desperation and fear.

But I’ve also seen rainbows and dust motes, purring kittens, and those little fluffs that fly on the wind. I’ve felt sun on my shoulders, breeze across my neck, and moonlight in my hair. I’ve seen countless stars, lived countless lives through movies and books, and sung songs both to forget and to remember. I’ve experienced the unexplained and unexplainable. I’ve received little acts of kindness and bigger acts of heroism. I’ve seen people fight and survive, pay back debts of the heart and soul, and take responsibility. And I’ve done all those things, too.

Sometimes, it’s a lot to think about. And sometimes, the only fitting outpouring for such experiences is tears. Sometimes, the right music brings tears…and that’s okay. Never apologize for crying, never. It’s like apologizing for caring about something or someone. I’s like apologizing for loving. Tears are freeing and clean. It’s okay to cry — for sad reasons, happy reasons, awe, whatever.

And it’s okay to process the past any way you want — with music, with tears — so long as you do, because time here on earth appears to move in one direction, and the present and future are what lie ahead.

I’m including all this because, as I said, sometimes I think people believe women to be shallow or frivolous, to only concern themselves with supporting-role kinds of things. None of that is true. We live and love big and full and deep — and that’s more than okay. That’s being a woman.

As for writing, I feel like I’m more productive than I’ve been lately. I have a Marvel Zombies: Black, White, & Red story coming out in issue 4, I’m working on the Thrall sequel, a new pitch for a media tie-in, and a novella with Ed Lee that might just turn into a novel.

I’m considering restructuring my Patreon — more on that when I figure out how and what to do.

As far as the personalized stories I’m writing, I realize I’m going slowly, but I AM working on them. I’m including a list below of those I have in my records as people still waiting on a story from me. If you paid for a story and don’t see your name on this list, please let me know right away.

Winnie (Michael Ward)

Lucas Zehr (in progress)

Shannon Bradner

Austin Appleby (in progress)

Benn Martin and Panzer (in progress)

Vince Hollman (Angel Hollman)

Anthony Naylor

My novella, Partial Places, is also about 1/3 of the way done. Cosmic Shenanigans is also in progress.

Recently, Dreams and Whispers: Selected Horror and Dark Fantasy Stories of Edward Lucas White, a book which I compiled and edited and wrote an intro for, was published through Manhattan on Mars Press. You can pick it up here.

I’ll be doing another seminar on cosmic horror for Apex Publishing tomorrow, October 7th, at 1pm EST, where I talk about how to world-build in a cosmic horror story. You can sign up here.

I believe I’ve mentioned that my cosmic horror haunted house novel, THE EVERYWHERE HOUSE, will be published by Thunderstorm Books. It should be released soon, and I’m thrilled.

"Mary SanGiovanni is as effective and versatile a writer as anybody working today. She knows her monsters. Of equal importance, she understands the frailties and strengths of the people who fight evil." — Laird Barron, author of SWIFT TO CHASE

"Mary SanGiovanni deftly mixes genres and voices, and her books are always creepy, unsettling, and thrilling." — Paul Tremblay, author of CABIN AT THE END OF THE WOODS

This month’s cosmic horror recommendation: Laird Barron’s Imago Sequence. I got the audiobook version of this (it comes in two parts) and it’s fantastic. It’s a collection of weird fiction, much of which is cosmic horror. It’s the kind of work that reminded me why I wanted to write cosmic horror in the first place. Not only is Laird technically gifted, but he can make the surreal just eerie and disturbing enough to linger with you after you’ve put down the book. Highly recommended.

That’s it for this month. Thanks for subscribing. I’ll see you next time.